i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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