I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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