Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
