ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
