The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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