Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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