Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
