he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
