We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
