Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
