I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
