Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
