i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
