I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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