No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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