dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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