I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't turn off my feet"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
