they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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