i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
