I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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