I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my liver is dry heaving
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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