OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
