hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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