Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
