Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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