You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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