my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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