oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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