i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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