So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
