Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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