how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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