Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
