mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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