what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
