omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
