dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
