Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
