I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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