Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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