Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
