I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
