Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are two peas in an std pod
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I party with great urgency now.
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