My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
