Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
