Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
