He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
