my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
