Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
