You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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