hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
