i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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