Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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