why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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