i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
