Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think weed is turning my hair brown
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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