Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
