and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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