hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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