Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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