Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
