either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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