carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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