my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
