my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
