In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
