He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
