you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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