he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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