I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
