Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
