I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
