Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
