What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
is it fun? or sober?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
