I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
