We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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