I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
