i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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