I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
