Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
