What a fucking waste of an outfit
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
