if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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