You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
