a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I want is dick and wine.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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