I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize