My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
