somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
