The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize