it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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